What Now

The discovery of my white identity is a unique experience, unlike and like many others. I grew up in a household where we were taught tolerance and equality, to love thy neighbor and treat others as we would wish to be treated. We were taught no one was not worthy of being friends with, and when my boyfriend in college happened to be black, no one thought anything negative regarding the situation. I assumed we were all perfectly tolerant and anti-racist.

I now know i was ignorant. I now know that racism is much more than burning crosses or men in white hoods. I learned in that college relationship, after numerous shocking situations I witnessed first hand, that racism is not distant in time or geography. I spent time sitting with numerous emotions: shame, frustration, denial, and hope. I forged a new identity and perspective along with new ideals. I understand that though I know some I know far from everything. And I understand that I am white, and I have both pride and cultural sensitivity.

These concepts may not seem a likely pair. However, I am very proud to be me: my appearance, my personality, my experience, all of which are somewhat dependent upon being white. There is no shame in being white or being privileged in any way. We cannot dictate our privileges we were born into or born devoid of, so why would there be shame to place? There is shame, however, in the denial of that privilege. Activist Jane Elliott has posed this (paraphrased) question repeatedly in her work over the years: “Since you know how black citizens are treated in society and you know you don’t want it for yourselves, why are you so willing to accept it and to allow it to happen to others?” I do not know every person’s answer, but I am certain that denial is present in most if not all cases.

I cannot empathize with the black experience. I can sympathize, but not with any remote understanding via personal experience. I cannot imagine the vulnerability a non-white person moves through the world with. I can only imagine it is like being a woman in some cases, which I can identify with. For example: a woman walking alone in a dark parking structure has a very different experience than a man. Regardless of past encounters, a woman understands the perception and risk of being a woman in such circumstance and thus prepares and even anticipates threats to her vulnerability of her nature. A man is not privy by nature or nurture to such an experience. Whites are the same in reference to people of color. I cannot anticipate all situations where in which a person of color may or may not feel at risk because I have never been a person of color. I simply have some distant awareness, and am open to attaining much more.

We are not ignorant to the states of the world, particularly the presence of racism in it. But, what now? We can peacefully and respectfully protest, and hope we are treated with the same respect. We can violently riot and risk the safety of those and ourselves we are simultaneously and unsuccessfully fighting to protect. We can place blame on others: other races, specific professions, police officers, politicians etc, and throw out the whole for its dysfunctional parts. We can imprison those guilty of heinous, hateful criminal acts, such as the officers responsible for the death of George Floyd, and then realize they are not the only four perpetuating racism. We can read articles, make Instagram posts, write blogs, or even attend rallies, but is any of this enough?

The recurring thought I have is the solution is not in the past, and the biggest problem stories do not have easy solutions. What has been done is not enough and we must not stop until it is. Martin Luther King Jr said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Shed light on your own ignorance, as vulnerable as that may be. Reconsider what you have understood as “tolerant”, contemplate new ideas, and have all the conversations you feel you need to gain awareness. Ask each other the hard questions, let go of shame over ignorance, check in with everyone including the people of color in your life, and allow yourself to become educated. Let us all stop harboring the discomfort and address the anxious weight of the presence of racism. Explore new ideas and act in the respectful way that suits each of our needs. If we learned racism, we can unlearn it, so let us keep going and keep going and KEEP GOING until we know we know enough.