Judgment

I spend more days a week than not holding group therapy sessions for those in treatment working on recovery from substance abuse. I find the work far more rewarding than I ever believed that I would. Their commitment to introspection and change made apparent via accountability and simply showing up to program is beyond admirable. Many of the things I have learned are priceless, first being that those in recovery are dealing with variations of the same issues of those that are not in recovery. One recurring issue that has been prominent lately is facing stigma or essentially the judgment of others.

Upon examination, the fear of judgment of others is an interesting predicament to be in. We all judge. Some harshly, some kindly… most of us take turns doing both. We know this about people. And with 8 billion people residing on the planet, there’s far more than just a likelihood that we will be judged both favorably and unfavorably by many, with even more variations in between. So why do we fear being judged by anyone when it’s obviously inevitable?

I can’t help but think a reason is that we fear that judgment of others is truth. If someone we give any value to has an opinion about us, the chance that opinion is plausible is higher to us for some reason. And the rationale behind that isn’t favorable to our ego, nor is it based on fact. For example, if our IQ is 100, someone thinking that we are stupid does not actually lower our IQ. Despite this reality, we now feel we are stupid after the reveal of this judgment, and that feeling can be more overwhelming and powerful than facts alone.

We judge and label and compartmentalize for our own benefit. Judgment serves many purposes, but one is providing a false sense of clarification or facade of control over that which we don’t understand or are threatened by. Another is to deflect from and/or mask our own insecurities of our own perceived shortcomings by highlighting those of others. Yet another is protection from someone or something that infringes upon our value system or moral compass.

There are numerous possibilities, however not one of them is solely about the person being judged. Any time that I have placed judgment upon a person, it has never been simply about them. It’s always, at minimum, partially been about me: my ego, my insecurities, my belief system, etc… And if this is the case across the board, that means that when you are the subject of judgment, it is not solely about you. Thus, to carry the weight of the judgment of others and make them your responsibility is not necessary. What belongs to others, including judgment, isn’t yours to own, to hold, or to let define you.