The Impostor Syndrome

When I began my practicum in grad school practicing therapy at a non profit providing low cost counseling for my first supervisor, I remember him saying to me, “You’re a therapist now.” I recall my initial reply being laughter. There was no possible way that I could be a therapist. I was a student. And had no idea what I was doing. And an idiot. And a bunch of other false, insulting things I told myself to negate the fact that I was anything other than a therapist. The necessity of this seemed detrimental and unavoidable. And so we think….

What are our expectations for this idea of whatever it is that we think we are not? What is the difference between what we are doing and what this idea is? The old saying goes: if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a duck. So why do we not apply this logic when looking at ourselves, particularly when the desire and thus risk is high? If I am going through the motions of being a therapist: scheduling, seeing, conversing with, and rescheduling with clients, then why am I not a therapist? What expectations were in the way of allowing me to be who I already was? It could not be disputed as time went on that I was limiting myself by not allowing me to be who I was, and thus I was forced to face what it might look like to finally allow me to be what I was working for and what I am still working for.

But how do we get there? We miss potential benefits by operating with the urgency to be what we are telling ourselves to be without giving ourselves the time and patience. But we also miss potential benefits by not granting ourselves the recognition and reward we have earned or already possess. I have had countless conversations with people in my professional and personal life regarding expectations: their purpose, their limitations, and their disappointments. These expectations often come without even a recognition of their origin or existence. The expectations of the duck we decide we should be, including what it walks and talks like, is not a realistic duck, and if or when the ideal duck is not what we look like, we are devastated without understanding. And if other ducks see us failing to be our ideal duck, shame may feel like a risk not worth taking.

I invite you and me and everyone to start asking ourselves, “What is in the way?” If I cannot tell myself I am a therapist when all signs are pointing to me being a therapist, there must be a road block. Yes, our expectations and ideals are situational and subjective, however, these road blocks are simply a story. They are not real piles of dug up concrete and stacked orange cones. They are figurative expectations and falsehoods we have constructed to feel safe and it is up to us to accept, to shake the impostor story off of our tail feathers, and fly our duck ass right on over our obstacles. With wings like ours, what is in the way?