Stuckness

Lately, I have been thinking a great deal about change and all of its forms. I have thought about the changes I hoped for, the changes I fought for, the changes that never came, the ones I never saw coming, the changes yet to come, and those that have pleasantly surprised me. Change is inevitable. So much so that we do not always notice it but simply accept it as if it was always there. And yet, we still resist it, fear it, even fight it at times. No matter the range of possibility to come, discomfort or even catastrophe seems to repeatedly be at the forefront of likelihood.

I have sat many times in discomfort and misery while complacently residing in a place I like to call “stuckness” when I had every ability to step out of it. I have at times eventually been inspired enough to emerge from said garbage dump, fueled by desperation, motivation, vindication, and a plethora of other -ations and looked back in wonderment of why I sat in that negligible excuse for a purgatory for so long, overwhelmed with relief and peace. But I still occasionally find myself stuck in limbo, resisting a decision that may spark movement, fearful of whatever lays on the other side of this pile of crap.

Following up with perhaps the greatest question of all time: Why? Why do we allow ourselves to stay in discomfort when there are other choices? Something that has been both shared with me and I have experienced first hand has allowed me answer “comfort”. The discomfort is actually comfortable. Oxymoron, present and accounted for. Though discomfort is uncomfortable, it is familiar. We can grow accustomed to seeing it, touching it, experiencing it, in all of its forms because we know it. We know how to live through, manage, succeed, and evolve in toxic environments, dysfunctional relationships, unfulfilling careers, and depressive states and we do not change them because the lack of clarity is a more uncomfortable thought than living with a roommate for a spouse or going to a thankless job.

I cannot speak for others, even though I occasionally write a blog pretending to be the masses, but I can say I have also placed the accountability of my “stuckness” on circumstance. I have answered my miserable state with “It is what is is” and “This too shall pass'“ or, my least favorite, "Fake it til’ you make it”, without attaching any personal agency or responsibility. Contrary to occasional belief, we all have a choice, at all times. We simply just do not always care for our choices, particularly the choice of exploring the unfamiliar, which requires risk and vulnerability. So though it is not blame, it is worth considering that our state of being may actually be at least partially up to us, even if it sucks.

As a therapist, I have been taught by my mentors and practice that I am a facilitator of change. My job is not to give advice or expertise, nor do I want it to be. The responsibility of your life and your choices land upon you but I am here to assist with movement, via observation, conversation, visualization, and several other -ations. My favorite question to ask is, “Is that ok with you?”, because this is your life and you get the ability to dictate how it should look. So if you want to step outside of the “stuckness”, you must step outside of your comfort zone and find space beyond complacency, change is your inevitable friend and not foe. And if you do not want step outside of the “stuckness”, why are you still reading?